Is It Wrong for My Husband to Drink? How to Respond Biblically When You Don’t Agree About Alcohol

This week, our Titus 2 panel was asked two questions back to back that were almost the exact same questions. We took a look and summarized it into a a general question, but still tried to include the main point. Some ladies on our Panel did choose to not use their names for this specific answer. Here was the question:

Is It Wrong for My Husband to Drink? How to Respond Biblically When You Don’t Agree About Alcohol

If you have a question for our panel, submit it below!

(Anonymous)

If the drinking is making things unsafe in your home, then seek help from a trusted Christian.  Church leadership might be a good start.

If the drinking isn't serious, but a difference in scripture interpretation or personal calling, then prayer is where I have settled.  The Bible says drunkenness is a sin, but dosen't specify not to drink.  

For me it's more of a personal preference although I believe in our society drinking alcohol does more harm than good.  My husband also is careful not to drink or bring any alcohol out if he knows there is someone trying not to drink.  

Even without a lot of alcohol I can see personality changes.  So, I do ask the Lord to remove it from our home and help us to be in unity with our understandings.

My husband knows where I stand with alcohol and I don't feel the need to remind him, unless he asks.

This is also a great opportunity for me to grow.  I get to practice not judging or controlling others.  I also try to keep in mind that praying for unity can mean my opinion shifts on the subject.

If the Lord wants to convict my husband and change his opinion I want that to be real Christ honoring heart change, not something I instituted that could leave the door open to bitterness and division between us.  It's possible that the Lord has a plan I don't understand.

Katlyn: 

If you haven’t had a sit down conversation with your husband already, then you should definitely start there. Make sure to pray about it before, and be calm in the moment. The two of you are a team, and it’s been said many times before that communication is key. And if you have had these conversations with him in the past, I would definitely reach out to someone at church, such as your pastor to point you to a Christian counselor to help you. 

While the Bible does speak on drinking to the point of being drunk as being sinful, it doesn’t necessarily specify that drinking an alcoholic beverage every now and then as a sin. However, I personally have family members who have battled with alcoholism and other addictions, so I completely understand wanting to remove any chance of that happening to you. It can be a slippery slope. As an example, when it comes to my grandfather, we keep all family gathering dry so that it doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable. Even though he’s been sober for decades now.

However, if this is the case for you, don’t let fear take a hold of you. Let Christ put you at ease, and know that He is keeping you safe regardless. Pray over this topic with your husband, talk with a Christian counselor if necessary, and let Christ do His work in your life and marriage.

Absolutely — here’s a version of your text that flows more smoothly, sounds polished, and stays true to your original meaning:

(Anonymous)

As others have mentioned, first and foremost pray about the situation. Pray that God will bring you to unity, and that He would change the hearts of both of you to be in line with His will for you. My pastor's wife said that when she feels like her husband is doing something wrong, she talks to his boss (God). God is the only one who can change a heart, and nagging certainly isn't going to do anything positive. Then have a serious conversation with your husband about your concerns. Explain your viewpoint and why you feel that way, and then listen to what he says. Try not to be pushy or controlling, and be humble about what God may be trying to teach you. Drinking alcohol is not a sin, but getting drunk is. However, there's always the question of "how much is too much?" And it isn't easy to find that answer without having too much. I also wonder why someone is drinking (to numb feelings, to escape from problems, to use as a coping mechanism instead of going to the Lord). What is the benefit? My dad is a retired pastor, so we never had any alcohol around to avoid the appearance of evil and to not be a stumbling block. But I did try some alcoholic drinks after I got married at weddings, etc. I probably have had 5 drinks in my whole life. But I never liked the taste, and I didn't want to work to develop a taste for something that can be so harmful (and expensive!). My husband's family had alcohol at every function and often people got drunk. That made me very uncomfortable. They also have addiction issues all throughout both sides of his family, so that was a concern too. I always wondered why in order to have a good time there had to be alcohol? His mom literally said that she felt we were obligated to serve it at our wedding reception because we were asking people to drive several hours to our wedding. (We didn't because it was held in a church and wasn't allowed.) But I still never understood that mindset. Fast forward to today... It has come to light (5 years ago) that my own husband is an alcoholic and has been for his entire adult life. We both thought he was drinking "responsibly," but it was always too much, and he realized it at age 47. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and I've seen it in our family. It continues to get worse and worse. The heartbreak associated with the alcohol addiction is just overwhelming, and we are working through that process as we speak. If the drinking is at an unhealthy level and you suspect addiction at all, the process would be different. Some things I have done that have helped tremendously are: talk things over with your pastor and elders; reach out for prayer, encouragement, and support from trusted, godly people around you and LISTEN to what they say, even if it's not what you want to hear; trust their wisdom, and pray regularly for them, that they would only be advising you with what is in line with God's will; accept the help that people offer, even if it's to clean your bathrooms (someone just did that for me last week); and work on healing yourself. I have joined an Al-Anon group (a support group that is a "spinoff" of Alcoholics Anonymous, but it's for the families of alcoholics) and that has been lifechanging! One of the biggest things they talk about is that you can only control yourself, so you need to work on getting yourself healthy (physically, spiritually, emotionally, physically) whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. I've learned how to respond in the right way to my husband, whether or not he "deserves" it ~ such a biblical principle! I am also trying to teach my kids the same things as they process their own emotions. In short, lean hard on the Lord. Pray. Listen for His wisdom and guidance that could come from His word or from godly people around you. And trust Him that He has a plan through it all, even if it looks so messy to us right now.

Something else to consider (Isabel’s Note)
How do we know when we’re drunk? How do we recognize our limit? Is drinking itself wrong or sinful?

Galatians 5:19–21 gives us a clear warning:

“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Scripture makes it clear — drinking alcohol is not a sin by itself, but drunkenness is. Because of this, we must be mindful and know our limits. In some cases, it may be wiser to avoid alcohol altogether to prevent falling into temptation.

Drinking can also become sinful when it’s done in a way that tempts or disrespects others. For instance, if you’re invited to someone’s home and you know they choose not to drink, it’s wise and respectful not to bring alcohol with you. Similarly, if you’re hosting someone who holds personal convictions against drinking, it’s considerate to put alcohol away and not partake while they’re with you.

Everyone’s personal convictions may differ, but Scripture clearly draws a boundary at drunkenness and at causing others to stumble. As Romans 14:13 reminds us:

“Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”